Shit to Say

Top Ten Things to Say to Men who send You Unsolicited Dick Pics

  1. “Awe! It’s so cute; look how small it is!”
  2. Tell him “I’ve seen better” and then send him back a bigger better-looking dick pic.
  3. A simple ‘LOL’ or ‘LMAO’ or a picture of you laughing hysterically. Ridicule usually bruises the ego.
  4. Forward it to his mom.
  5. Inform him that he has two belly buttons and that you don’t get it.
  6. Tell him: “I don’t see anything what am I supposed to be looking at?”
  7. Make him panic. Reply with “OMG are you okay? If you haven’t, I really think you should call the doctor. That’s not normal.”
  8. Send him this – and see if he gets the reference. His reaction will be entertaining either way.
  9. Reply with: “For having such a tiny penis, you certainly know how to be a dick.”
  10. Ignore him. And if he asks why, turn it into a ‘boomawang’ and send him his own dick back.
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A Woman’s Place

Dear Trapped in the 50’s,

I don’t remember your name, just that you were a misogynist straight out of one of those old 1950’s adds for “Better Home and Garden”. We were on our first date and got to talking, getting to know each other as new couples do. We covered all sorts of topics ranging from the future, work and school, to small talk. Just as I was starting to like you, you came swinging out of left field. “Women shouldn’t work.

Their place is in the home, cooking and taking care of the children.” I stared blankly at you, speechless and unsure of how to respond to such a thing. I took a moment to process this new information. So much of me wanted to yell at you, to explain to you how the world stopped following that archaic way of thinking decades ago. I wanted to call you sexist, misogynistic, insensitive. Instead I somehow managed to muster the strength not to. Instead, I calmly called you out on your bullshit and walked out on you.

By the way, the 1950’s called. Even they don’t want you back.

Sincerely,
That woman from the 21st century

Quote Me

This quote often resonates with me. It is largely something that I am passionate about discussing.

I just think it’s so weird that women make individual choices and then absolute strangers think they can have all kinds of opinions about them. It’s largely something that happens to women and their appearance”
– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I find myself in situations where people have the need or rather the audacity to tell me what to do with my face and my body.

Who the heck to they think they are?

It is important to cease telling women or anyone for that matter, what to do with their bodies. It is important to understand that experience is subjective. We should not be judged for what we do, wear, like, dislike or how we feel about certain topics.

When people ask: ‘who are you trying to impress?’ My first response is almost an immediate eye roll.

It really bugs me (people ask me this question quite often). I normally have a lot to say about that. I feel like my need to explain myself is inevitable in these types of situations despite the fact that I should not have to.

So for every person who has tried to tell me that I am wearing too much or too little or no makeup at all; and for those who have tried to tell me that I’m dressed ‘too scantily clad’ or whatever, I have one thing to say: stop telling me what to do with my face.

Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?

New Years Resolution [Reposted]

This ‘New Years Resolutions’ is just a ton of crap. Every year I make this unrealistic list of resolutions I expect myself to keep but never do. This year is different. This year, like last year, I’m not making resolutions that need to be completed in 365 days only to give up half way through. Instead, I’m making a list of things I want to get done in my life.

I want to update this list each year and  I want to add new ideas and remove the ones that I’ve completed.

Here it is:

  1. Go on More than one Road Trip
  2. Bungee Jumping
  3. Build a Blanket Fort
  4. Have a Picnic
  5. Do more yoga
  6. Wake up/go to Bed early.
  7. Go on a Hot Air Balloon Ride
  8. Learn to play poker like a champ
  9. Swim in a Pool at night filled with glow sticks
  10. Go ‘ghost hunting’ with friends
  11. Do something out of your comfort zone
  12. Ride a bike across the city
  13. Go hiking
  14. Go to a bonfire/build one
  15. Party in a forest
  16. Travel somewhere new
  17. Travel alone
  18. Try something new
  19. Write more
  20. Read more
  21. Learn something new and be good at it.
  22. Get a tattoo  (I did it!)
  23. Get my eyebrow/tongue pierced
  24. Try foods from different cuisines
  25. Geek out  (Some of my friends have gotten me into gaming)
  26. Watch classic movies
  27. Do more feminist-y things
  28. Hang out with the besties regularly
  29. Dye some of my hair an unnatural color
  30. Continue being the epic bad-ass Queen that I am.

 

An Excerpt: Makeup and My Feminism

I am often questioned as to why I wear makeup – more specifically, the statement: “But you are a feminist, I thought feminists don’t wear makeup?” To answer that: ‘Everyone can be a feminist while presenting their bodies in whatever way they wish – whether that be with their eyebrows drawn on or not’. This is a conversation I wish I did not have to have.  As someone who wears makeup almost daily, I find myself distraught when people tell me that my makeup wearing is a system of oppression. Their argument is that I am unconsciously oppressing myself because according to them, I am wearing makeup to “impress somebody” (And yet, people who do not wear makeup receive just as much commentary) – as if having this argument was not bad enough, now I have to deal with people deciding that my therapy is not for me but for someone else *insert appropriate eye-roll here*. Let us consider these questions:

Isn’t makeup a tool of the patriarchy to keep us so obsessed with narrow beauty standards that we can’t focus on revolution? And isn’t it a little frivolous and ridiculous of a hobby to find enjoyment in something so decidedly feminine? And how can one proclaim themselves anti-capitalist if they throw money toward thirty-dollar tubes of lipstick? (Fabello “My Makeup Isn’t Inherently Anti-Feminist“)

If I were to be honest with you, I don’t always know what to say in these cases, especially when they are said by other feminists. Sometimes I am told that I am wearing too much or too little makeup, or that I should put some on when I am not wearing any at all. Where do I draw the line? When I first ‘came out’ as a feminist, I was given the impression that it is something empowering, that it encourages body positivity, that it encourages confidence – I lacked a lot of that when I was younger. It was not until I reached my first year of university that I started wearing makeup on a daily basis however, it was not until two years ago that I discovered my true love for cosmetics. I had a lot of fears and hatred towards my skin. I hated my freckles and what little acne I had. I hated my dark circles and large pores and just about every minor blemish I thought existed.

These thoughts derived from the institutionalized ideals of what the media considers to be perfect, despite the fact that ‘perfection’ does not exist. These thoughts derived from images in advertisements, and comments made to me about my appearance. I have flipped through magazines quite a lot and more often the advertisements directed at those who have dark circles, include models with too subtle discoloration to notice. I have been told that I would look ‘better’ or ‘nicer’ if I covered those circles up. Makeup was said to ‘fix’ or ‘hide’ these blemishes.

However, when I started wearing makeup more often, it was not about hiding my blemishes – not anymore – it was about accentuating a part of me. The more comfortable I was with my new found identity (as a feminist) the more I found that makeup enhanced my features, I felt better wearing it- I felt more confident. Now that I am much older, putting on makeup is more of a therapeutic process (quality time with me, myself and my face) – my therapy if you will. I love the way the brushes feel against my face, the beauty blender dabbing against my skin, experimenting with color and glitter – lots of glitter – I love the finished look: highlighted and ‘brows on point’. It makes me feel good; it enhances the features I have come to call beautiful. I do not see the blemishes like I used to – those dark circles yes, even to this day I still hate them – rather, I see myself and my skin.

There are so many factors that allowed me to see myself in a new way. First, the act of wearing makeup and skin care enlightened the way I see my skin. I discovered new ways to treat my face with organic masks and scrubs and lotions that aided in smoothing and softening my skin. Second, my identity and experience as a feminist allowed me to come to terms with my body and the policing that surrounded it.

Quick Blog Update

Hello lovelies,

I just wanted to fill you in on some blog updates. I am done with my thirty-one day beginner blog challenge. I had a lot of fun writing each post, some a little more than others but that’s pretty normal I guess. You can probably guess which posts were more forced than others…  Anyways! Writing used to feel like a chore when I was in school. I had no motivation to do anything outside of school work. Now that I am almost done, and have more free time to write about the things I want to write about. I’m more motivated and frankly, it’s a lot more fun.  I am looking for new, inspirational, and exciting challenges to try. I’d also love it if you gave me ideas, and prompts that you’d like to see me attempts. I’m open to just about any suggestion.

See you around,

B

 

 

 

Shit I want to do be fore I die

#29: Top things on my Bucket list – updated

  1. Be a leader in my field.
  2. Be a tourist in my own city.
  3. Climb a fucking tree (to the top).
  4. Create a piece of art and sell it.
  5. Dive/jump off the high dive board.
  6. Do a push-up handstand – without assistance.
  7. Do a themed run.
  8. Do more feminist-y things
  9. Drive a seadoo.
  10. Drive a snowmobile.
  11. Dye some of my hair an unnatural color.
  12.  Eat alone at a restaurant.
  13. Fall in love.
  14. Find a new hobby
  15. Find treasure with a metal detector.
  16. Fly first class.
  17. Get my abs back.
  18. Go Bungee Jumping.
  19. Go cliff diving.
  20.  Go ‘ghost hunting’ with friends.
  21. Go on a Hot Air Balloon Ride.
  22. Go on More than one Road Trip.
  23. Go Scuba Diving.
  24.  Go Sky diving.
  25. Go to a bonfire/build one.
  26. Go to Movies by myself.
  27. Go wine tasting.
  28. Graffiti something.
  29. Have my blog recognized.
  30. Host a game night (make it 1920s themed).
  31. Knit a scarf.
  32. Learn something new and be good at it.
  33. Learn to play poker like a champ.
  34. Learn to skateboard.
  35. Master a new language.
  36. Meet Someone Famous.
  37. Paint something at Paint Nite.
  38. Party in a forest.
  39. Plant a tree.
  40. Play a game of paintball.
  41. Race a go-kart again.
  42. Read a banned book.
  43. Read a hundred books in a year.
  44. Ride a bike across the city.
  45. Ride a camel.
  46. Ride a Horse and Carriage.
  47. Ride a Zip line.
  48. Road-trip across Canada.
  49. Survive my five to six years as PhD candidate.
  50. Swim in a Pool at night filled with glow sticks.
  51. Take a self-defense class.
  52. Take a train across a country.
  53. TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certificate.
  54. Throw a themed party.
  55. Unplug for a week.
  56. Visit the seven wonders of the world.
  57. Walk a Suspension Bridge.
  58. White Water Rafting.
  59. Write my name on wet cement.
  60. Continue being a bad-ass queen.