Escape Room

What would happen if you were locked in a room with your greatest fear?

The answer seems relatively simple; keep your distance from said fear and find a way to get the heck out of there. Sometimes it’s not that easy. Our fears aren’t always physical. Sometimes our fears cloud our judgement; and sometimes, our fears are so visceral that they take over us completely.

So, what am I afraid of?

I find questions about love, fear, death and life quite difficult to answer. Death has always been difficult for me. I’ve lost a few people I’ve loved over the years but I was always too young to understand what it really meant. I’ve never been properly equipped to deal with it.

Nor do I think I’m capable of dealing with it now.

When someone I know has a family member or friend that passed away, I do this thing where I try not to let it get to me. I feel like all I can do is offer a hug and my condolences without really understanding what the death of this person meant to them. I tell them that they are in a better place, that they’re happier in heaven, that I’ll say a prayer for them that… I understand how they must feel.

But I don’t.

I’m not afraid to die.
I’m afraid to love.

I’m afraid to lose someone I love.

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Numéro Onze

I was doing some digging yesterday when I came across one of my bucket lists. This thing is one hundred and fifteen items long (I’ll post it at a later date). I’ve completed nine so far.

I chose a number at random: 11.

Number eleven on that list is dying my hair an unnatural color. Some would argue that being a brunette who has dyed her hair blonde is technically ‘unnatural’ but in my opinion, dyeing it blue, green, pink, purple, or fire truck red is a little more outrageous in regards to its ‘untaturalness’.

This one item is on my list because secretly I’ve been a little afraid to go a little wild with my hair. I question whether it will look good, or if it will match my skin tone or whether or not people will judge me for my decision.

Yes I know that it shouldn’t matter what people think, it should matter if I like it or not. Yet, it still lingers with me. I’ll do it one day and when I do, I’ll tell you all about it.