Miss(ing) [You]

#21: Something I miss

I have all the feels about his particular post.

Two years ago (2015) I spent most of my summer in Lebanon visiting family and friends. It still makes me smile when I mention my visit to anyone. I consider it to be the trip of a life time and I can’t wait to go back.

One of my fondest memories from my visit is the time when my cousins and I drove across the country to walk through the Cedars of Lebanon.

As I close my eyes, I can feel the cool, crisp air. The memory of climbing over large rocks and tree roots as I walk down the winding path, brings me joy. The patches of  sun beating down on my shoulders and the warmth it brings my body is exhilarating. I can reach out and touch the leaves between my fingers; their texture is soft yet rough. I am at ease with the people I am with.

I miss:

Family and friends.
The late nights sharing drinks and anecdotes.
The hot days of Beirut.
The family lunches and dinners.
Being called ‘my cousin from Canada’.
Hiking in the mountains.
Swimming in the ocean.
Driving down winding roads to new adventures.
Being teased about my Arabic pronunciation.
Teasing them about their English.
Playing bubble soccer.
Sitting on the beach.
The promises made and kept.
Bar hoping and day drinking.
Dancing in the car.
The shenanigans, pranks, and silly stunts.
The paparazzi.
The way my aunt and mom used to dance when they were happy.
My uncle’s dad jokes.
‘Kiss me again’ as a recurring curse.
… so, so much more.

But mostly, I miss the experience, and the cherished the memories. 

 

 

 

 

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All or Nothing

Day 11: Most Proud Moment-many days late.

This took me a long time to really think of. I didn’t know where to start or how to really express myself when it comes to being proud of someone or myself.

I was on a train leaving Rome with family when I received the email. I had found out that I was admitted into graduate school to complete my Masters. I felt so much joy and so much turmoil all at once.

I was excited to be continuing my education and pursuing my dream to teach at a college or university level. Yet in that same exact moment, I felt like I didn’t deserve to be there. The impostor syndrome started kicking in before I even began.

I was told to be proud of myself but I wasn’t and ti sat with me for while.

A few days later, I attended my uncle’s PhD. thesis defense.He had spoken a lot about his work and his research and what he hoped to achieve in the future.In many ways, he is my role model, the person who encourages me  the most, who still does.  It was not until a room full of people clapped and cheered for him when he received his doctorate that it dawned on me.

I didn’t feel proud of myself because I was too busy being proud of him.

My most proud moment is not my own, not yet. But it will be.