It’s been a long time since my last blog post. I’ve been really struggling lately and here’s why.
I recently completed my Masters and I’m left in this state of limbo where I know what I want to do next – but I’m not a 100 percent sure about it. For instance, in November I will be taking the Teaching English as a Foreign Language seminar. I have also decided to take some French in December (to enhance my spoken language – otherwise, I’m pretty good with reading and writing).
I’ve been really hard on myself lately. Most of my friends are back to school and I’m ‘taking the year off’ or so to speak. I haven’t been able to focus on writing or reading or anything but this sense of loss and confusion. I’ve been feeling bored and that I should be using my time wisely. But fuck it. I need the time off. I need the break I didn’t get to take over the summer, and I need to just accept that this is only a phase and that it will be worth my while in the end.
For the longest time I was looking for a word to describe how I felt. I was looking for something to describe this feeling of displacement and then I found it.
Monachpsis: “the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach…”
A few nights ago, I was out at a bar mingling with friends and some new people when I was asked what I was doing with my life – in a causal and non offensive way of course. I answered that I had a Master’s degree, and that I worked in a pharmacy for the time being until I went back to school for my PhD. I was surprised at how easily I answered the question – without a moment of hesitation.
Then it dawned on me. I had been telling people that ‘I just completed or was done my masters’ but never that I had the degree. It put a smile on my face. It felt good to finally say it.
So. Fucking. Good.
I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders: metaphorically and literally.
Whether I am carrying a backpack or purse, there always seems to be a surplus of items that I really don’t need but carry around ‘just in case’. Bad habit I know, but you seriously never know what could happen and if you need that one item you left at home that one day.
My typical bag hold the following items:
- Makeup Bag (Inside: Concealer, Powder, Lipstick, Beauty Blender, Mirror, Small Brush, a Travel-Size Mascara, Tweezers, Eyebrow Pencil, and Moisturizer).
- A Good Book (Currently: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling).
- Gum or Mints.
- Hand Lotion.
- Hand Sanitizer.
Ps: Feature image is not my actual bag.
#13 Favorite Quote(s)
Dear wonderful followers,
I apologize for not posting more often. This is a very busy time of year for me, I promise to make more of an effort.
So here are some of my most favorite quotes:
“There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all…”
– Oscar Wilde
“And though she be but little, she is fierce…”
– William Shakespeare
“The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim…”
– Oscar Wilde
“I just think it’s so weird that women make individual choices and then absolute strangers think they can have all kinds of opinions about them…”
– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in…”
– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“I want more — much more — than a band-aid. I want a revolution in the hills and towns, among the trees, I still call home…”
– Eli Clare
There is a lot I would do if I won the lottery. Here is a list of stuff I would do:
- I would pay off all of my student loans. Kind of sad right?
- I would travel to all the places I’ve always wanted to visit (Like Greece, Spain, Paris, London, Turkey…etc).
- Donate to charity obviously.
- Buy a house – with a pool – by the beach.
- And invest the fuck out of it.
… I thought this list would be longer.
What would you do?
Day 9:Piercings and Tattoos?
I currently have my top left cartilage and ears pierced once. Oddly, people are often surprised when I tell them I want to get my tongue and eyebrow pierced. I don’t understand why though, people do it all the time. I’ve contemplated these for a while now and I think when the time comes, I’ll finally stop chickening out and do it.
As for tattoos, I have none. But, I’m an email back from a tattoo parlor away from booking the appointment. Like many places, they’re busy. I’ve decided on a small, wispy, quill tattoo dipped in ink, spattered with color.
As someone who likes to draw, paint and write, I feel like this is appropriate. Needless to say, it has meaning.
Day 8: An old photo of me.
There’s something about searching through old photographs that bring me a lot of memories. For me, photographs are like books. You collect them over the years, capture memories and beautiful moments and the hardest thing becomes letting go.
Do you keep the ones of people you don’t talk to anymore? What about people you hate? What about those awful ones your parent/sibling/whoever took of you when you looked like a zombie or monster? What about….(shall I go on?)
I had a hard time choosing just one and I might make a later post with some of my favorites, but for now, I’m choosing to share the one that in some ways still defines me today (my feature photo if you’re wondering).
Most things/people are bigger, taller and take up more space than I do.
I still like Legos – I basically play the online kind.
(They can also be my building blocks to success – never linear and always a work in progress)
Though I was probably forced to wear that skirt, I don’t mind them now that I am older.
Who doesn’t want a giant stuffed animal?
And for an added bonus, here’s a closeup of my cuteness.
Blogging Day 7: 10 favorite foods.
Can I call myself a food connoisseur? Or should I just tell people that I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge?
Though simple, this was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I’m #sorrynotsorry if this makes you hungry.
Also, this list is in no particular order.
- Salads (like Greek and Mediterranean).
- Soups (like Italian wedding).
- Baked fries.
- Ice cream/Gelato/Sorbet.
- Pumpkin pie (or pie in general).
- Chocolate Mousse Cake (Yass).
- Pita Chips and humus with it.
- Veggies straight up.
- Soft Cookies and fucking ginger snaps and chocolate.
- Most if not all Lebanese dishes.
- Fruit. Period.
- Spicy everything.
- Authentic Asian Cuisine (all kinds).
- Grilled Cheese.
- Nuts in general.
- Peanut Butter – White chocolate peanut butter.
- Seasame Snaps.
I couldn’t stop at ten but I’m ending now ’cause I’m hungry. So, I’m going to go get a snack.