#18 What am I afraid of?
I tend to take my time when it comes to answering questions like these.
In a few words, I find questions about love, fear, death and life quite difficult to answer.
Death has always been difficult for me. I’ve a few people I’ve loved over the years but I was always too young to understand what it really meant. I’ve never been properly equipped to deal with it. Nor do I think I’m capable of dealing with it now.
When someone I know has a family member or friend that passed away, I do this thing where I try not to let it get to me. I feel like this blob who’s just there to offer a hug and my condolences without really understanding what the death of this person means to them. I tell them that they are in a better place, that they’re happier in heaven, that I’ll say a prayer for them that… I understand how they must feel.
But I don’t.
I’m not afraid to die.
I’m afraid to love.
I’m afraid to lose someone I love.
I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders: metaphorically and literally.
Whether I am carrying a backpack or purse, there always seems to be a surplus of items that I really don’t need but carry around ‘just in case’. Bad habit I know, but you seriously never know what could happen and if you need that one item you left at home that one day.
My typical bag hold the following items:
- Makeup Bag (Inside: Concealer, Powder, Lipstick, Beauty Blender, Mirror, Small Brush, a Travel-Size Mascara, Tweezers, Eyebrow Pencil, and Moisturizer).
- A Good Book (Currently: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling).
- Gum or Mints.
- Hand Lotion.
- Hand Sanitizer.
Ps: Feature image is not my actual bag.
#13 Favorite Quote(s)
Dear wonderful followers,
I apologize for not posting more often. This is a very busy time of year for me, I promise to make more of an effort.
So here are some of my most favorite quotes:
“There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all…”
– Oscar Wilde
“And though she be but little, she is fierce…”
– William Shakespeare
“The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim…”
– Oscar Wilde
“I just think it’s so weird that women make individual choices and then absolute strangers think they can have all kinds of opinions about them…”
– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in…”
– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“I want more — much more — than a band-aid. I want a revolution in the hills and towns, among the trees, I still call home…”
– Eli Clare
There is a lot I would do if I won the lottery. Here is a list of stuff I would do:
- I would pay off all of my student loans. Kind of sad right?
- I would travel to all the places I’ve always wanted to visit (Like Greece, Spain, Paris, London, Turkey…etc).
- Donate to charity obviously.
- Buy a house – with a pool – by the beach.
- And invest the fuck out of it.
… I thought this list would be longer.
What would you do?
Day 10: 1st Celebrity Crush
Hmm… it took me a while to remember who this was.
Behold: Chad Michael Murray. My first real celebrity crush.
No… I don’t count cartoon men as crushes. If I did, then Aladdin would be my first.
Nonetheless, as a teen I was absolutely obsessed with Chad Michael Murray. I had posters of him and other hot celebs, but lots of him, that covered my walls. I mean look at him, isn’t he just so cute?
Okay, okay maybe this crush is a little silly. A lot of my friends really liked him too. I bet lots of people still do. He did look really good in that Agent Carter film…
Day 9:Piercings and Tattoos?
I currently have my top left cartilage and ears pierced once. Oddly, people are often surprised when I tell them I want to get my tongue and eyebrow pierced. I don’t understand why though, people do it all the time. I’ve contemplated these for a while now and I think when the time comes, I’ll finally stop chickening out and do it.
As for tattoos, I have none. But, I’m an email back from a tattoo parlor away from booking the appointment. Like many places, they’re busy. I’ve decided on a small, wispy, quill tattoo dipped in ink, spattered with color.
As someone who likes to draw, paint and write, I feel like this is appropriate. Needless to say, it has meaning.
Day 8: An old photo of me.
There’s something about searching through old photographs that bring me a lot of memories. For me, photographs are like books. You collect them over the years, capture memories and beautiful moments and the hardest thing becomes letting go.
Do you keep the ones of people you don’t talk to anymore? What about people you hate? What about those awful ones your parent/sibling/whoever took of you when you looked like a zombie or monster? What about….(shall I go on?)
I had a hard time choosing just one and I might make a later post with some of my favorites, but for now, I’m choosing to share the one that in some ways still defines me today (my feature photo if you’re wondering).
Most things/people are bigger, taller and take up more space than I do.
I still like Legos – I basically play the online kind.
(They can also be my building blocks to success – never linear and always a work in progress)
Though I was probably forced to wear that skirt, I don’t mind them now that I am older.
Who doesn’t want a giant stuffed animal?
And for an added bonus, here’s a closeup of my cuteness.