Shit I want to do before I die

#29: Top things on my Bucket list – updated

  1. Be a leader in my field.
  2. Be a tourist in my own city.
  3. Climb a fucking tree (to the top).
  4. Create a piece of art and sell it.
  5. Dive/jump off the high dive board.
  6. Do a push-up handstand – without assistance.
  7. Do a themed run.
  8. Do more feminist-y things
  9. Drive a seadoo. 
  10. Drive a snowmobile.
  11. Dye some of my hair an unnatural color.
  12.  Eat alone at a restaurant.
  13. Fall in love.
  14. Find a new hobby
  15. Find treasure with a metal detector.
  16. Fly first class.
  17. Get my abs back.
  18. Go Bungee Jumping.
  19. Go cliff diving.
  20.  Go ‘ghost hunting’ with friends.
  21. Go on a Hot Air Balloon Ride.
  22. Go on More than one Road Trip.
  23. Go Scuba Diving.
  24.  Go Sky diving.
  25. Go to a bonfire/build one.
  26. Go to Movies by myself.
  27. Go wine tasting.
  28. Graffiti something.
  29. Have my blog recognized.
  30. Host a game night (make it 1920s themed).
  31. Knit a scarf.
  32. Learn something new and be good at it.
  33. Learn to play poker like a champ.
  34. Learn to skateboard.
  35. Master a new language.
  36. Meet Someone Famous.
  37. Paint something at Paint Nite.
  38. Party in a forest.
  39. Plant a tree.
  40. Play a game of paintball.
  41. Race a go-kart again.
  42. Read a banned book.
  43. Read a hundred books in a year.
  44. Ride a bike across the city.
  45. Ride a camel.
  46. Ride a Horse and Carriage.
  47. Ride a Zip line.
  48. Road-trip across Canada.
  49. Survive my five to six years as PhD candidate.
  50. Swim in a Pool at night filled with glow sticks.
  51. Take a self-defense class.
  52. Take a train across a country.
  53. TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certificate.
  54. Throw a themed party.
  55. Unplug for a week.
  56. Visit the seven wonders of the world.
  57. Walk a Suspension Bridge.
  58. White Water Rafting.
  59. Write my name on wet cement.
  60. Continue being a bad-ass queen.
  61.  
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Sad or Just Angry

#28: The last time I cried

This was a difficult post for me to write. I’m a very sensitive person so I cry about a lot of things. I’ve cried about shared stories, happy endings, and heartwarming tales; I once cried because of how cute a kitten was – and it wasn’t even mine. Heck, I’ve even cried for absolutely no reason. I was just sitting there and the tears started falling.

Yesterday was different though. I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster that had no end. I had to deal with people I didn’t like, drive around the city, for unnecessary things, and then help a friend with who was having some relationship problems. Talk about emotionally draining.

Said friend came over late in the evening and was asking for advice. They had me read a letter they were writing for someone they cared about and requested my opinion. It was tough to tell them what I really thought because I was never placed in a situation like theirs. I couldn’t tell them what to say or how to say it – then it wouldn’t be their feelings and emotions, it would be mine. ┬áMine don’t even make sense right now.

As they were leaving, I was reminded about where I was, what I was doing, and who I wanted to be. Despite everything good that is happening in my life, I feel like I still haven’t accomplished as much as I would have liked to accomplish. Imposter syndrome hits again.

I sat there being mad at myself, pissed off that I had done nothing but write my Research Project this summer. I was pissed that I didn’t get to go out as much and enjoy some time off. I was pissed that I didn’t get to go to the places I wanted to go because I was stuck writing my Research Project, I was pissed because… life has been shit and I haven’t had enough ‘me time’.

So I broke down and cried about it. I haven’t cried like this in a long time and to be honest, it felt so good once the tears stopped streaming. I felt like a giant load had been taken off my shoulders and I was just left alone with my thoughts.

I wanted to write this post yesterday, but I just wasn’t able to put my thoughts into words. I wasn’t able to focus on how I was feeling besides being angry and sad. I feel better today though, more free and clear headed.

I promised myself to do some more self care,
and that is exactly what I am going to do.

My Favorite Things

#27: What always makes me feel better?

Well isn’t that a loaded question. Sort of – Not really. There are a lot of things that make me feel better; it depends on the situation and what I feel like doing at the time. For instance, sometimes I clean to de-stress so that makes me feel better. Doing my makeup is therapeutic, so is drawing and painting and writing, and jogging. Sometimes I take naps, just cause. These are just a few of my favorite things.

*Insert Appropriate Sound of Music Reference Here*

I had to. #sorrynotsorry

Just so you know, I hummed the tune of this song the entire time I was editing this list.  Mind you, The Sound of Music is also one of my favorite movies…
So here you are: mostly re-written lyrics (it was a lot harder than I thought it would be).

Chocolate on cheesecake
And Makeup and brushes
Bright coloured dresses and warm tender touches
Soaring up high like a bird with wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Good shows on Netflix and hiking on mountains
Perfume and glitter
And wishes in fountains
Books on the shelves and playing on swings
These are a few of my favorite things

Swimming in oceans on hot summer days
Hunting for treasure and driving down highways
Indulging in food and glamorous rings
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When a bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Chocolate on cheesecake and makeup and brushes
Bright colored dresses and warm tender touches
Soaring up high like a bird with wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Good shows on Netflix and hiking on mountains
Perfume and glitter and wishes in fountains
Books on the shelves and playing on swings
These are a few of my favorite things

Swimming in oceans on hot summer days
Hunting for treasure and driving down highways
Indulging in food and glamorous rings
These are a few of my favorite things

 

A little of Everything

#26: Five favorite blogs  sites I like enough to frequent.

I know that the challenge is choosing five of your favorite blogs but, I don’t really follow enough blogs to have favorites. So here are five websites that I kind of like.

Everyday Feminism

  • I particularly like this feminist magazine mostly because the writers are fun, creative, and sometimes sarcastic people. They explain basic and complex theories, ideas, and norms in accessible and open language.

Bored Panda

  • You all know how much I like lists. Well this place is full of them. Funny, random, quizzical and an all around source for feeding into my procrastination habits.

Pinterest

  • This place has helped me get started into making more art. I look here for inspiration, writing prompts, how-to stuff, organizing ideas, DIYs and just about anything and everything creative.

Twitter

  • Shamelessly addicted. I post what I want when I want without repercussions of being judged by people I know.

Awkward Yeti

  • This artist uses anatomy of the body to describe daily situations in which we have all found ourselves. My favorite is: Heart and Brain.

 

 

Embrace

#25: Best Physical Features.

A letter to the woman in the mirror.

Dear mirror,

You are an amazingly graceful and magical human. I know this is hard for you to hear, but I know what you’re going through. I understand that some days you hate yourself, look in the mirror and wish things were different. I’ve seen you cry about your acne, blemishes, hair, freckles, dark spots, and scars on your body. You are not alone. Everyone has imperfections: they don’t define you but they are part of who you are. You deserve so much better; you deserve to feel good about the skin you’re in. We all do.

Self-love is something you will learn about in the future. It teaches you to take care of yourself, your well-being, and your own happiness. You deserve to let go of our insecurities and embrace the beauty that is your body.  There’s so much I want to tell you about beauty ideals, and how the media dictates what is and isn’t beautiful. They’re wrong, they’re all wrong.

You had a lot of fears and hatred towards your skin as you grew up. I remember when you hated your freckles, acne, dark circles, large pores and just about every minor blemish you thought existed. No one will see them, except for you. These thoughts derive from the institutionalized ideals of what the media considers to be perfect, from images in advertisements and comments made to you about your appearance, despite the fact that ‘perfection’ does not exist – NO ONE IS PERFECT.

I remember when you used to flip through magazines quite a lot when you were a teen. More often than not the advertisements directed at those who have dark circles include models with too subtle discoloration to notice. You wanted these products to be your solution, but they weren’t – no matter how much money you spent on an eye cream. You were told that you would look ‘better’ or ‘nicer’ if you covered those circles up. Makeup was said to ‘fix’ or ‘hide’ these blemishes. You used to use makeup to ‘hide’ everything.

It was not until you started wearing makeup more often that it became about accentuating a part of you – it was no longer about hiding those ‘blemishes’. I remember how you changed. How you felt better wearing it – You became more confident.

Now that you are much older, putting on makeup has become more of a therapeutic process – quality time with you, yourself, and your face. You do it because it makes you feel good; it enhances the features you have come to call beautiful. I’ve noticed how you do not see the blemishes like you used to (except for those dark circles). You look at yourself differently, you see yourself and your skin.

There are so many things that happened that allowed you to see yourself in new ways. You have finally came to terms with your body and the policing that surrounded it.

When I look at you, I see a strong woman with a killer personality. But if you care to know, you are all around beautiful. My favorite physical features? Your deep brown eyes, striking smile, wild curly hair, and adorable freckles. I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me, but one day you will look at yourself in the same way that I see you.

Sincerely,
The woman on the other side

Ships that Pass and Broken Promises

#24: Difficult time in my life.

This letter goes out to a friend I once called my sister.

Dear Friend,

I’m using the above term loosely and you’ll understand why as you read this – if you ever do. Years ago, you showed a side of you that I would never have thought I’d see. I was going through a tough time in my life: fourth-year projects, final exams, graduate-school applications, family crises, and stress-induced anxiety and depression. I expected you to be there for me;  I expected you to be supportive of my hopes and dreams; I expected for you to understand that I needed to get my work done;  I expected you to be my friend – my sister.

I guess my expectations were too high.

You didn’t care. All you cared about was yourself. Not once did you ask me if I needed help; not once did you ask me if I was ‘okay’; not once did you take a minute to consider that you pressuring me to ‘hang out’ was adding on to my overflowing pile of shit I was dealing with. You were a fucking inconsiderate bitch and I resented you for what you put me through.

The thing that hurt the most, wasn’t you just being inconsiderate and self-centered. It was you breaking all the promises that you kept. You promised that my secrets would be kept with you. But they never were. I confided in you, I cried about my life in front of you, but instead of keeping it to yourself, you told your partner everything – You want to know how I know? They approached me about it. Your partner knew more about my life than I ever wanted anyone to know. But you didn’t care. Your partner was more important than our friendship.

It always was: ever since I introduced you.

Writing this letter has been difficult for me. I had let all of this go shortly after we stopped talking. Thinking about the past, and what you did has brought back a lot of unwanted emotions. If you’re wondering, I cut you out of my life for a reason, and these above mention, are only some of them. I don’t hate you but I would rather not have you fuck me up like you did before.

I want you to know that you hurt me and we can never be like we used to be; I’m doing good things in my life; ever since we stopped talking, I’ve been dreaming bigger aiming higher, and working harder for what I want. We’re better off as acquaintances, as two people who used to be close but only say hello like ships that pass in the night.

Sincerely with no regrets,
A better me.

Annoying Content Ahead

#23: Pet Peeves.

Some people find these more disturbing than others.
Others have way more patience than I do.

  1. Loud Chewing or people chewing with their mouths open (this makes sitting across from you very unappetizing).
  2. People who scuff their feet when they walk, especially if they’re wearing flip flops or clunky shoes (I’ve resisted the urge to call them out).
  3. People who don’t cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough.
  4. Line cutters (There are social rules in place for people like this and don’t you think that I’m not going to call you out on this shit).
  5. When you let a car merge in front of you and they don’t give the appropriate thank you wave.
  6. People who claim that they don’t see race (Like wake the fuck up already, you’re only saying this because you don’t want to be racist but by saying it you’re erasing someones identity).
  7. People who talk over me or about me as if I’m not standing right there.
  8. When people spend more time on their phone at dinner or lunch or while hanging out than they do with you. This really pisses me off, especially when you and I have made plans to spend some time together (seriously, put the mother fucking phone down and talk to me – don’t make me take you phone and put it in my bra like I did the last time. I know you won’t go there.).
  9. Arrogant people (don’t let it go to your head).
  10. Backseat drivers (I get that sometimes you need to give me directions but please don’t tell me how to drive).

What are your pet peeves?