Dear friend,

What is your problem? You haven’t had anything nice to say in the longest time. You’ve been nothing but negative and I don’t think I can handle you anymore. You’re mean, hurtful, and downright rude.

I thought everything was fine between us but lately all you’ve done is seriously put me in a bad mood. You always have something to complain about even if it doesn’t directly affect you. You treat me as if I don’t understand anything; as if I’m a fucking idiot for you to talk down at me.

You’re not always right. No matter how hard you believe it. I, like other people have the right to have my own opinions. So stop acting like you know everything and let me fucking breathe.I tried reasoning with you, I tried talking to you calmly, but all you did was get angry.

Apparently having a conversation is not an option with you. Apparently I’m supposed to shut the fuck up and not say a word to you. Apparently I’m not allowed to be an individual when speaking to you. Apparently I have to be like everyone else who sits quietly and listens to what YOU have to say.

I didn’t know your word was law.


Shutting the fuck up.



Packing for a trip is murder and here’s why:

  • But, I’m a terrible packer.
  • I have to run a bunch of errands to go get the stuff I need.
  • Trying to pack with someone else is very much stressful.
  • I have to make lists of things  I want and need to take with me, otherwise I’ll forget.
  • Somehow I always manage to forget something.
  • Getting everything in order and laid out is one thing, but organizing it into a small-ish bag is another.
  • It takes a lot of time and patience.
  • Just when I have everything packed and weighed, somehow my bag always ends up being overweight.
  • But if it’s under… then score!
  • When it’s over though, it’s like taking a load off my shoulders.
  • Happy travels to me!


I forget to blog sometimes and here’s why:

  1. Life has thrown me a curve ball and I’m trying to deal with it.
  2. I tend to forget things when I’m stressed out.
  3. Sometimes, I’m just too exhausted to get the words out.
  4. It’s okay to miss a day or two.
  5. I don’t want to give you shitty content.
  6. Blogging every day is hard sometimes.
  7. I don’t feel ‘inspired’ – but I know I should force myself to write anyway.
  8. If my head wasn’t attached to my body, I’d lose that too.
  9. I’m at school or work and things are just overwhelming.
  10. Sometimes I need a break and it’s not the end of the world if I don’t write something.


Dear Friend,

  • I’m so grateful to have met you.
  • You’re an amazing human being and I’m happy to have you in my life.
  • I don’t think it would be the same without you.
  • You’re cool, fun and so fucking weird but I love that about you.
  • I appreciate you so very much and our friendship even more.
  • You always find a way to make me smile, even when you’re the one having a bad day.
  • You’ve shared a lot of cool things with me.
  • Remember when… *insert something dumb here*
  • Thank you for all your support over the years.
  • And I’ll always have your back, even when I don’t want to.
  • You’re pun-ey and I love it.
  • You and I act like small children.
  • We often share a brain.
  • There’s a reason we’re two halves of a whole idiot.
  • What I’m trying to say is: “You’re pretty fucking awesome!”

Thank you

20 people

I met you and here’s what I have to say

  1. I like your sense of style.
  2. You come across as snob-ish sometimes.
  3. I like that you’re open to new ideas and experiences.
  4. Our conversations were both engaging and entertaining.
  5. Keep on smiling, you have a beautiful smile.
  6. You’re freken adorable!
  7. Don’t ever change.
  8. You’re weird, but I like you.
  9. We should hang out more.
  10. You were definitely the class clown, and I’m okay with that.
  11. I wish I had the change to get to know you more.
  12. Smart-ass.
  13. Those looks we shared when the class was just too much were epic.
  14. You’re smarter than you let on.
  15. You’re a cool girl and all but something about you rubbed me the wrong way.
  16. Do you have a problem with me or something?
  17. You’re quite vague.
  18. We didn’t really talk, but you seem nice.
  19. You’re sweet but sometimes you come across as naive.
  20. It was nice meeting you.

Shit to Say

Top Ten Things to Say to Men who send You Unsolicited Dick Pics

  1. “Awe! It’s so cute; look how small it is!”
  2. Tell him “I’ve seen better” and then send him back a bigger better-looking dick pic.
  3. A simple ‘LOL’ or ‘LMAO’ or a picture of you laughing hysterically. Ridicule usually bruises the ego.
  4. Forward it to his mom.
  5. Inform him that he has two belly buttons and that you don’t get it.
  6. Tell him: “I don’t see anything what am I supposed to be looking at?”
  7. Make him panic. Reply with “OMG are you okay? If you haven’t, I really think you should call the doctor. That’s not normal.”
  8. Send him this – and see if he gets the reference. His reaction will be entertaining either way.
  9. Reply with: “For having such a tiny penis, you certainly know how to be a dick.”
  10. Ignore him. And if he asks why, turn it into a ‘boomawang’ and send him his own dick back.

WTF is Groundhog Day?

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day and it got me thinking….

For those of you who are unaware, Groundhog Day is when the groundhog (‘Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary’) comes out of its hole at the end of hibernation. If the animal sees its shadow, as in, it’s sunny or whatever, it is said to predict six more weeks of cold, snow, and gloom. And if it doesn’t… warm weather ahead!

Fucking weird tradition right?

How in the ever living hell is a small, burrowing, hibernating, rodent supposed to accurately predict the weather? It doesn’t even make sense. It’s not even a really viable form of weather prediction. This tiny creature comes out of its burrow and it’s all: “Oh, my shadow, oh noo, eek!” Before going back to bed [insert eye roll here].

This random chance even of how sunny it is, is somehow able to predict how close we are to having our snow thaw, and spring begin. A fucking rodent; and maybe some clouds. (This is notably highly inaccurate and my local weather network has been scoring better since they were created, ‘cause y’know science!)

I understand that way back when, ancient humans were inclined to use animals and their instincts as a way of understanding and surviving, and a hibernating creature going back to sleep might have been seen as a warning sign of continued winter. However, this is neither ancient times, nor has it proven reliable. Unlike other unreliable things we are not doing away with this tradition.