d#24: Difficult time in my life.
This letter goes out to a friend I once called my sister.
I’m using the above term loosely and you’ll understand why as you read this – if you ever do. Years ago, you showed a side of you that I would never have thought I’d see. I was going through a tough time in my life: fourth-year projects, final exams, graduate-school applications, family crises, and stress-induced anxiety and depression. I expected you to be there for me; I expected you to be supportive of my hopes and dreams; I expected for you to understand that I needed to get my work done; I expected you to be my friend – my sister.
I guess my expectations were too high.
You didn’t care. All you cared about was yourself. Not once did you ask me if I needed help; not once did you ask me if I was ‘okay’; not once did you take a minute to consider that you pressuring me to ‘hang out’ was adding on to my overflowing pile of shit I was dealing with. You were a fucking inconsiderate bitch and I resented you for what you put me through.
The thing that hurt the most, wasn’t you just being inconsiderate and self-centered. It was you breaking all the promises that you kept. You promised that my secrets would be kept with you. But they never were. I confided in you, I cried about my life in front of you, but instead of keeping it to yourself, you told your partner everything – You want to know how I know? They approached me about it. Your partner knew more about my life than I ever wanted anyone to know. But you didn’t care. Your partner was more important than our friendship.
It always was: ever since I introduced you.
Writing this letter has been difficult for me. I had let all of this go shortly after we stopped talking. Thinking about the past, and what you did has brought back a lot of unwanted emotions. If you’re wondering, I cut you out of my life for a reason, and these above mention, are only some of them. I don’t hate you but I would rather not have you fuck me up like you did before.
I want you to know that you hurt me and we can never be like we used to be; I’m doing good things in my life; ever since we stopped talking, I’ve been dreaming bigger aiming higher, and working harder for what I want. We’re better off as acquaintances, as two people who used to be close but only say hello like ships that pass in the night.
Sincerely with no regrets,
A better me.